I Love Nerdy White Boys

I LOVE NERDY WHITE BOYS.

Not the least of which is Tobuscus (or Toby Turner for the real world).

Revel in the adorable nerdy-ness. Also, the tie.

Heads up, this entire post is going to be a love letter to Tobuscus, so if you don't want to read my admiration for a nerdy YouTuber, then you should probably stop reading.

But on to the topic at hand: Tobuscus is probably one of the funniest people on YouTube. From his usual "Hellloooo, Audience," greeting, to his myriad of spoofs, he makes me giggle every time I watch one of his videos. And believe me, I've seen a lot.

Tobuscus, first and foremost, is a nerd. His probably most well known for his literal trailers, often of games, like his recent Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood spoof. Sometimes, he'll throw in delightful nerd movies, too, like his Harry Potter trailer. Not only are they hilarious, but the audience is treated to two minutes of Toby Turner singing in each one.

And then there's his random vloggity-type things... where Toby is just ADD enough to hold my ADD attention span. Like this one:



Or his Farmville parody. Which I can't even describe. Just watch it people. Watch it.



And his hair. Sigh... Maybe I should finish this post, make it more substantial. But honestly, reader? I think I'm going to go watch Tobuscus videos instead. And so should you.

The Lazy Girl's Halloween Costume Guide

Some girls live for Halloween. You can tell. It's that glorious time of the year when they can wear even shorter skirts and even more cleavagey tops than usual.

Halloween: the only time of year the word "sexy" can be used to describe Spongebob.

And some girls don't. Some girls tend to forget that they should get a Halloween costume until the afternoon before the party when their girlfriends call and say, "Hey! Get dressed up! We're going out tonight!" and then it's only thirty minutes until they have to show up dressed as something witty, amusing, sexy, or scary.

Well fear not, Lazy Girl! I too am a procrastinator (example A: it's been a month since I posted...) and I have your easy solution to how to throw together the perfect ANYTHING costume. It's three simple steps:

1. Look in your closet. Pick out the most interesting article of clothing and decide on what the costume could be. This year, I had a lime green mini dress. Who wears green dresses? Tinkerbell!

2. Add some accessories. Last year, I paired a red beret with a scarf and a black-and-white striped shirt. Instant Frenchman!

3. Do the makeup. This is perhaps the most important. Last year, my Frenchman costume was completed with a curly mustache drawn on in eyeliner pencil, and just between you and me, the boys found it IRRESISTIBLE.

You're welcome. Now go party!

The Toothy Truth

When I first noticed the trailer for the new film, "Let Me In" I thought, "Oh no, not another vampire romance. The kids in these films are getting younger and younger. What are they, twelve? Or am I just getting older???"

A snowy romance. This has all the makings of a preteen vampire romance.

Watching the trailer, however, I was soon pleasantly surprised. I mean, sure the trailer starts out in a small town vaguely reminiscent of Stephenie Meyer's books, but this hamlet soon proves to be vastly different from Cutlery, Washington. Sure, there are vampires, but they aren't the dominating cool kids at the local high school.

Instead, from what I've gleaned, little girl vampire's vampire father seems to enjoy strangling people in their cars while wearing a black garbage bag on his head to hide his identity. See for yourself:



The best part comes when little vampire girl (played by Chloe Moretz) proves that she is not a vegan softie and lures a guy into a storm drain only to viciously devour him. This is not altogether surprising, seeing as Chloe Moretz has a reputation for being a violent killer. Still, I give her props for not subsisting on synthetic blood alone, like the vampires in a certain romantic television series.

Also, little vampire girl is far creepier and less annoying than R Pattz.

Oh no, "Let Me In" does not look like another vampire love fantasy à la "Twilight" or "The Vampire Diaries." Perhaps we are witnessing the return to a realistic stance on vampires: they are a bloodsucking soulless menace. They are not made for taking baths with, or even having an abusive, obsessive relationship. "Let Me In" is most likely a cautionary tale about the danger of falling in love with a vampire, because more often than not, she will eat your heart.

I already know I like this movie. And I haven't even seen it yet.

Gangster Gospel

Hey, internet, what do you get when you cross 90s rap with Jesus?

No, this isn't a bad joke. Stop giving me that look. It's a serious query. Well, more like mildly serious rhetorical question.

Give up?

The Gospel of Marky Mark!

Gospel According to Marky Mark by jazzparade on Polyvore.com

In an entirely unusual stroke of genius, I (accompanied by my roomie and fearless adventure-buddy) have started a blog that is entirely the Gospel of Mark translated into 90s rap euphemisms, mostly inspired by the iconic classic "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

Right now, we've got the first eight verses posted, though there's more to come. Give us time. Translating from biblical to gangsta is just a little challenging for a bookish white girl.

If you did come expecting poor jokes though, I do have a few:

What do you call a psychic midget escaped from jail? A small medium at large!
What do you call a bison with no friends? A buffaloner!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a garden? Herb!

My Miley Epiphany

I HAVE COME TO A REVELATION IN MY LIFE.

This is not just any revelation. This is not a "Oh, I prefer peanut butter cup ice cream to fudge ripple ice cream," kind of revelation. This is not a "Gee, I think I'm in love with Jimmy," kind of revelation. No, this is much more important, because it is a Miley Cyrus revelation.

Up until now, all I have known was that I disliked Miley Cyrus, but why? That, I couldn't explain. Oh, sure, I could provide weak replies when queried by fanatic eight-year-olds as to why I wasn't nuts for their favorite Disney star. The usual:

• Watching the acting in Hannah Montana is punishment.
  
• Her wig change is preposterous. Is anyone even fooled by this? It's worse than Superman's glasses. Seriously.
• Miley is not a name.
• Her music is mediocre. With the exception of Party in the USA, which she wasn't even supposed to sing originally. Nor did she understand it.
• Lately, not only is her music mediocre, but she's stopped wearing clothes and I'm pretty sure she's trying to be the underage Gaga. It has not improved her music. (Still, I can respect a naked girl, but...)
  
• Her father's chin triangle scares me. Granted, this isn't her fault, but she has the power to do something about it.

But it wasn't until yesterday that the real reason for my emnity hit me while scrolling through the profile pics on her Facebook page: her lips. MILEY CYRUS HAS DUCK LIPS.

Even without clothes on, the same pout is undeniable. As if she's trying to be sexy, and just looks like a mallard.


Once this occurred to me, I was greatly relieved. No longer will I stay awake at night, wondering just what it is about the teen pop star that disturbs me so. And now I can enjoy Party in the USA in peace. Because, let's face it, that song is catchy.

No Babies Were Sacrificed In the Viewing of This Film

Oh yes, Internet. The long-awaited movie-going has come to pass, and as of last Thursday, I, accompanied by a small posse of younger boys, went to see "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World." For a full idea of general plot and actors and background, you can check my previous blog post on the subject. I refuse to recap that all. Lord knows my last post was too long.

Instead, I will provide you with an idea of whether or not the movie was good:

It was amazing! AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO CHOP ANYONE'S ARM OFF!

Excellent movie achieved!

You know that whole, "Oooh, it's sort of video-game-themed!" thing? Well, it turns out the entire movie was entirely set in a sort of video game alternate reality, complete with foes bursting into coins when defeated. The characters seemed at once blithely unaware of the weirdness, and at the same time, completely taken aback by it, like when Scott Pilgrim (main character) expresses shock that he must battle his new girlfriend's exes, and yet no surprise at the concept of battling through song. Or, you know, the fact that a "Pee Bar" appears when he uses the bathroom to show how much he needs to urinate.

I'm not sure if this would be useful or annoying. I guess it depends on whether someone was watching you pee.

My brother, who was a member of the gaggle of younger boys, had already been to see the movie once, and invited me to see it for the sole purpose of watching it again. And he said as he left the theater that he would like to see it once more before it comes out on DVD. Which is impressive, considering tickets now cost $10.50.

The movie does slow down a bit near the end, but overall, it's hilarious, with literally one laugh right after another, so much so that you run the risk of asphyxiating on your own laughter. I'm not going to say anymore a) because I don't want to give anything away, and b) because I want you to quit wasting time and GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW.

I mean it.

Go.

The American/Swedish Film Outrage

A little over a year ago, I was staying with some friends in France when a really fascinating movie came out. It was called, "Les Hommes qui n'amaient pas les femmes," or, in English, "The men who disliked women."

The French edition of the novel.

It was based on a Swedish novel, about a journalist-turned-detective convicted of libel, a murder that occurred forty years ago, and a tattooed and eccentric punk chick who helps him solve the mystery.

Tell me that doesn't look badass.

Perhaps the plot sounds familiar? In English, it's called "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and is the first in a trilogy based around Lisbeth Salander (the aforementioned punk chick, and the girl with the dragon tattoo, as you might have guessed). All three books were written by Stieg Larsson, who died somewhat mysteriously of heart issues shortly after turning in the manuscripts for all three books.

Now, the movie I saw was so good, I went out and bought the book soon after, and discovered that the movie had not only been done fabulously, and remained extremely faithful to the original story, but had also done nothing to spoil the novel for potential readers. Stieg Larsson writes with an amount of detailed research that reveals his journalist background, and with such an imagination that it's hard to predict what will happen on the next page.

The American edition of the novel.

But enough about my love of the books. The important thing here is the movie: All three books have now been transformed into movies, starring the talented and gorgeous Noomi Rapace as Salander. The first two movies have been released in the US, and are shown in indie theaters all across the country (there's one down my street doing a double feature, currently).

Noomi Rapace as Salander.

So I was shocked when I saw some announcement online saying that some girl named Rooney Mara would be playing Salander in a "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" movie.

"What?" I said. "They got the name wrong. It's Noomi. Rapace. And on top of that, it's not that she WILL BE. She already has! The movies have been filmed! They're brilliant!"

Upon reading the article, I discovered that Sony has decided to make their own American version of the film. Complete with American actors. Oh, sure, they'll keep it authentic. It's going to be filmed in Sweden. And the actors are supposed to have Swedish accents. But that's not the same as the real deal. The Swedish films were excellent pieces of work that payed great credit to the author, done in the original language. And this American film promises to be a blockbuster knock-off full of explosions and beautiful people. (I love you and your body, Daniel Craig, but no amount of lip pouting and smoldering on-screen gazes will make this better)

So here it is: I'm disappointed in Hollywood. All of Hollywood. I loved the movie. I loved the book. And I'm guessing this movie will make loads more money than the original did. And this new girl could be quite talented, but when it comes down to it, they're only taking attention away from the filmmakers that deserve it.