Stephen Colbert Must Be Stopped!

I like Stephen Colbert. He's got incredibly independent eyebrows, an abrasive interview style, and he changed the pronunciation of his last name for show biz, which are all things I can admire. Also, I find him inexplicably attractive. Maybe it's his bottomless brown eyes. I love the way he blinks.

Who wouldn't find this attractive???

But he must pay for what he has done.

Why? Because he's going to astronaut training! On Thursday's episode of the Colbert Report, he announced that not only did he save NASA from Obama's budget cuts, but now, in gratitude, NASA has invited him to Houston for astronaut training!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen Saves the Space Program
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This is unjust. This is unjust and unfair and for once in my life, I cannot just look into Stephen Colbert's dark, dreamy brown eyes to make the hurt go away. Because if anyone deserves to go to Houston, it's me.

Yes, I know I'm not exactly in prime astronaut physical condition. And I know I know very little (nothing) about aeronautics. But there is no one in the world who loves space and astronauts more than I do.

Evidence:

• Before I could read, my bedtime stories were Isaac Asimov's Caves of Steel novels with R. Daneel Olivaw and Elijah Baley.
• After I learned to read, I moved up to The Foundation Trilogy.
• Friday nights are for pizza and Star Trek. It started with TNG, but now I'll watch anything except Enterprise, because everyone knows Enterprise sucks.
• I used to pray to God for the TARDIS to land in my backyard so Tom Baker could take me to other planets and times.
• I love the Mars specials on Discovery. I want us to make a colony there, and if we do, I volunteer to be the first journalist on another planet!
• Vacation in Florida meant skipping Seaworld to go see Cape Canaveral. And touch moon rocks.
• "Gifted" by N.A.S.A. is #1 in my Top 25 Most Played list on my iTunes (and, coincidentally, the best song IN THE WORLD).
• I have an entire blog specifically pointing out the fact that I am a huge SPACE CADET.

Colbert already got a space-treadmill named after him! Isn't that enough?

So please, NASA, take me instead of Colbert! Or at least, Colbert, could you take me with you?